Thoughts on Thinking

I have been reading a book by Kathleen Norris called "Acedia and Me." It has some material early on about very old writings on spirituality. She pointed out that before we started talking about the cardinal sins, monastic writers spoke of "bad thoughts." It got me to pondering how the way I am thinking, the pattern of thought that I allow to continue in my head and heart, leads to some negative attitudes and then behaviors that are hurtful to others. I want to clean up my judgemental thoughts and my worrying. I have a feeling that will lead to more virtue in my life.

Waiting for God's Time

I have been expecting the leaves to turn and give me a feast for my eyes. Somehow that feast always also refreshes my soul. I get moved by the beauty and think about the vast beauty of the one who creates such a scene. But the leaves started to turn brown and fall without having that riot of color first. So I began to think that the summer was so dry we would not have a beautiful fall this year. Then a couple days ago on my way to school, I saw it. The trees on Pooles Creek Road and on Horse Branch Road were dazzling with color. "God Provides," I thought. It may not be on my time schedule but God provides. Fall is late this year.

I found a lesson in this for discernment. I often want to know God's desire for me and I want to know it NOW. But part of discernment is being faithful in the slow and boring times, in the dry and routine times. To be a good discerner, one must be patient and trust. If we are faithful and continue to look with both seriousness and quiet trust, we will see what God Provides.

Economy

What is this thing that is going on? I wait to hear the stock market report each day as though I can change something by listening. It has been so erratic and usually disappointing. I am trying not to fret about the future of retirement accounts but also to act responsibly. Is this a time to evaluate my lifestyle and live more simply? Is it a time when I should not expect comfort and privilege? I want to be mindful of those who have lost jobs and income. I want to cut back on my consumption of the resources of the earth. I want to be aware of those who will come after me and their needs so that I do not use up what they will need.

I hope I can trust that God will provide, perhaps not what I want but what I really need. God will provide an abundance of grace and courage.

Autumn and Discernment

I am still reflecting on the fleeting beauty of the autumn leaves. Is there a message in those leaves about discernment? What comes to me is that one of the obstacles to hearing God's call is clinging to a past or present experience. Once I determine that the beauty I have experienced in some special moment of my life is the ultimate purpose of my life, I close myself off to the next gift that God offers.

I can think of some exhilarating times of my life, but I know that they were just prelude or preparation for the next thing God gave me. Sometimes the "next thing" was not as attractive (at least initially) but growing into the person God was calling me to be meant letting go of the comfortable for the new.

Today, let's open our hearts and our ears to hear what God has planned for us.

Fall Colors

The leaves are turning and it is beautiful. The air is crisp, well maybe, cold. I am trying to slow down so that I can appreciate the beauty of this season. Is God telling us about beauty? Sometimes when I see the hillsides, I think of how beautiful the creator of all this is. Sometimes I reflect on how fleeting the beauty is. Winter is on the way and the leaves will fall. Is God storing up more beauty and reminding us that this is just a taste and that there is far more beauty in store for us? Today I want to appreciate all the beauty life offers but also to hold it with a light grasp. I want to allow God to give and take and I want to generously share whatever is beautiful in me life.

Mary's Birthday

Well we don't really know when Mary was born, but surely it is appropriate to rejoice in the fact that she was born. So today, we do.

Mary is an example for all of us. Whatever our vocation, we can look to Mary because she said "yes" to everything God asked of her. We can follow her example of believing that God would give her what she needed to live in the situations that were part of our life. She trusted that God would provide. We can try to carry the Word within us and bring Jesus Christ to the world. We can be brave in the face of great sadness and suffering as she was as she stood at the foot of the cross--faithful to her love of her son.

O Mary, conceived without sin, pray for us who have recourse to you.

Labor Day

Congratulations to all who labor in any way. Celebrate and rejoice.

I think of all the great statements about labor that come each year from our church. Labor is a source of dignity (or should be) and it is a participation in God's creative love. We are creating the world that God intends by our labor.

I also know that the way laborers are treated does not always respect their dignity nor promote the dignity of work. Today I pray that all laborers will be treated with respect and that work will be provided that reminds us of our dignity as co-creators with our God.

Anniversary of Vows

Years ago, on August 29 I made my first vows as a Sisters of Divine Providence. Five years later on the same date, I made my final vows. It has been quite a journey since then with many ups and downs and surprises. I have done things that I never thought I would do and accomplished things I did not know I was capable of doing. I have been places I never know I would go and found myself enriched and challenged in the process.

I am thanking God for all the good times and the struggles of my life and asking that I grow daily in the knowledge that God provides for me with tender love. I am also praying that I will love God more faithfully and deeply and that I will rejoice in knowing the nearness of God.

Blog reader, I ask you to pray with me today in gratitude and to ask God to bless us with more women who want to witness to God's providential care, to grow daily in trust of God and who desire to abandon themselves completely into God's loving hands.

Not Knowing

Today I reflected on the passage about being ready because you do not know the hour when the master will return. It seems threatening at first. But then, if the one who returns is Christ, then it is a time to await with joy. I tried to do that today.

Sometimes I look at all my failures and all the things I find difficult or at disappointments and interpret them as ways in which I am not good in God's sight. Or I think that they mean I am not as loved by God as I desire to be. It was so clear this morning that all these things are not measures of my love for God or God's love for me. Human success in work and relationships, while an important part of life, is not what life is about ultimately. Giving self to God and not placing the other things above that love is what life is for. I tried to rest for just a few minutes in the sense that God loves me even when I am experiencing disppointment or what seems to me to be failure. For a moment I was at peace with that.

I want to wait today for whatever way God desires to come into my life.

Comfort

I am still thinking about those titles of Mary. The past few days have had some serious disappointments and have been difficult. Today, everything seemed brighter and there were small things that made my day one of joy. The weather is cooler, my students remembered what we did in the last class, some faculty lingered over lunch. We shared about current events but laughed some, too. I talked with Sr. Leslie who is making final vows Saturday and agreed to entertain her little nieces while adults decorate a hall. All small things but comforting. So I am thinking of Mary as "Comforter of the afflicted." And I say, "Pray for us."

Little Things

I am amazed at how good the nice cool weather makes me feel today. I was thinking how nice it is and enjoying it when it dawned on me that "God provides" it. So I need to take time to be grateful.

Yesterday, the chaplain, in his homily, suggested we reflect on the various titles for Mary in the litany. I thought about "Virgin, Most Faithful" because I had a do list a mile long and was anxious about accomplishing it. The title reminded me that accomplishment might not be within my control but fidelity was. I labored all day, didn't finish, but recall that I was faithful.

Today I think I will focus on "Comforter of the Afflicted" because one of the sisters in my community has been at the hospital all day yesterday with her nephew who had brain surgery. I want to remember him and pray for him. So, Comforter of the Afflicted, care for Jamie today.

New Beginnings

Time to prepare for the openning of another year of teaching. I love to think of meeting all the new students. There is so much life on campus, so many faces, so much hope, so much energy. I love it and look forward to it. Preparing the syllabi is another issue. But it gets done. I pray for a year of grace.

Come, Holy Spirit

The gospel readings for a few days now are about Jesus' announcement that he is going and that he will send the Spirit to be with his followers. I have never been so struck before with how wonderful this promise is. While Jesus' physical presence would be wonderful, the Spirit actually becomes the source of our life. We are moved by this Spirit, breath the breathe of this Spirit, are motivated by this Spirit, are led by this Spirit. I am praying for an abundant outpouring of this Spirit so that I will truly live the life of Christ. I am praying for you too. How would you like this Spirit to lead you? What it is you ask this Pentecost as you await being filled with the Spirit?

Anything You Ask

"If you ask anything in my name, I will do it." I am always excited by this statement of Jesus and I invariably begin to ask. I do not always get what I have asked in the form that I expect it. Then I wonder if I have not asked properly, if I do not recognize the answer, or if the promise is not true.


Today I read a reflection on the passage which pointed out that the Greek text has "you" in the plural. It is what we ask as a community of believers that will be granted. Which brings me to the topic of discernment. Often when I ask for clarity about my call, I do it in my own private and personal prayer. Sometimes I even get into a vicious circle in my mind and in my prayer--going round and round and making no progress on the path of my discernment. Perhaps, what is needed at such moments is community prayer. Praying together with others and sharing faith with them is an essential part of discernment. In speaking my questions, I may hear something new that I did not recognize when I was praying alone. In listening to others praying and sharing, I may hear God speak a new word to me. I may, as the disciples asked earlier of Jesus "see the Father."


A discernment suggestion--join a group to pray and share faith together. Then listen.

Receiving the One Sent

"Whoever receives the one I sent receives me, and whoever receives me receives the one who sent me" (John 13:20). These words from today's gospel remind us to be aware of all those who enter our life today. They are sent. How will I receive those sent to me today? To receive them is to receive Christ and the Father. There are many options. Love, openness, hospitality are called for.

Shepherds

John's gospel has a couple stories about shepherds. One is about a good shepherd who goes (recklessly) in search of lost sheep and the other is about how intimately the shepherd knows his sheep and how trusting the sheep are of his love and care.

The shepherd knows each of his sheep by name. That is such a moving thought. God knows me by name, Jesus knows me by name--knows me intimately and still loves and cares for me. When I imagine the shepherd calling a sheep by its name and see the sheep responding, I long for the same kind of a trusting relationhship with God. I imagine the sound of the voice that loves me unconditionally and I long to recognize that voice calling me each moment of my day.

Discernment entails hearing and trusting. It involves knowing how I am loved so that I can respond without fear. Prayer helps me grow in trust and awareness.

Bread from Heaven

Moses asked God to feed the grumbling, hungry people and God provided manna in the desert which fed the people. Jesus promises us that he will provide bread that will not only feed us but that will end all our hunger. This is the bread I long for--the one that will end my incessant longings for so many things.

There is a passage in John Shea's book "Starlight" about Adam and Eve and how they woke up to their humanness when they realized that each time they ate they would be satisified only temporarily and that after several hours they would be hungry again. It was an endless cycle that bound them and they desired not to be in this endless cycle--they desired to be something other than human. But when they found themselves at the manger on Christmas morning, they touched the child and were fed from his eyes and his heart. Then they said that they chose to be bound to this manger (this feeding place) forever.

Is this what we are called to by Jesus when he says that he is the sign, he is the bread? Are we being asked today to accept our humanness and to find it fulfilled in Jesus. Can I accept Jesus' presence in my life today and cease to hunger for anything but his nearness?

Signs

I ask for signs from God when I am about to make a decision. So I am intrigued by Jesus' words in today's gospel. He says to the people who look for him and find him after he multiplied the loaves and fed them, "You do not seek me because you have seen the sign but because you have eaten your fill of the bread." What sign did they miss? What sign am I missing when I look for signs to confirm that God loves me or that I am on the right path?



What does it mean that we need only faith in Jesus? If I had faith would I cease to be asking for signs? I think the signs I ask for are more like the things the people did see--gifts from God that satisfy some temporary needs I have. Today I want to recognize the sign of God's presence and power in my life and world without the manifestations that are satisfying to my temporary needs.

What is your experience of seeking signs? Does the gospel for day raise any questions for you?

Burning Hearts

The phrase in today's gospel that always grabs me is, "Were not their hearts buring within them as he spoke to them on the way?" I try to get in touch with scripture passages that have been very significant to me over the years, ones which evoked a passionate response. Sometimes part of discernment is being aware of what moves us, especially things from scripture of particular actions or atttitudes of Jesus.



For me this story is always moving as well as the one about the woman at the well and the one about Jesus being the vine and our being the branches. I can also remember a time when Jesus' cure of the blind man moved me deeply.



I look for patterns. It seems to be that I am moved by stories in which people begin to see what was hidden from them before and also the sense of the life-giving connection that we have with Jesus. It appears then not only that it is important to me to see and understand and to feel a close presence of Jesus, but that I am called to bring those elements into the lives of others. There are clues to our call in the patterns of our responses.



Today the disciples are so wrapped up in their disappointment and sorrow that they do not see. They do not recognize Jesus even when he is walking with them. Two things open their eyes. One is being called back to the scripture and the other is breaking bread. If we are in a process of discernment about our life choices, we do well to spend time daily with scripture, look for patterns in our life of what moves us and participate in the Eucharist whenever we can.

Loaves and fishes

In today's gospel a young boy provides only five barley loaves and two dried fish. Yet what an abundance. Carrying through on yesterday's reflection I am reminded of how God can provide from what appears to be very little. It is the two dried fish that strikes me as important today. They would be probably be low on my preference list from a menu and yet look at what they hold when placed in the hands of Jesus.

Sometimes before discerning to follow a call, I count up my assets and find myself lacking in what I think it takes. Sometines we think that it is all up to us and that we have to be able to accomplish something great on our own. There comes a moment in discernment when we need to take the focus off our ourselves and our abilities and rest in God's love and power. We hold back when we feel inadequate. But who is adequate? Only God can supply what is needed for announcing the gospel and bringing the healing of God into lives and the world.

It can be noted that the boy seems to disappear from the story after he offers his gifts. He does not bemoan the meagerness of what he has to offer. He does not remain the center of his own attention. All eyes are on Jesus. All we really need to do is offer and follow through on our offer of self.

Trusting God and not continuing to focus on our own littleness or unworthiness as a hindrance to following our call is a big part of discernment.